Thanks to an unknown friend

It was one of those dreaded times of school when i was asked to run for the sports events...
god how much i detested those events...would pray that the earth opened up and i neednt run and end up coming the last in the race...
So, one more sports day, one more 100 mt sprint and one more sad day awaiting...
I went up to the race all jittery thinking how much i would be poked fun of...
My legs shivering, heart pounding, i stand in the start line..
I hear the gun shot and everyone around me is running and in a reflex so am i..
By the mid of the race...i realise the whole lot is ahead of me...except for one who is struggling to run as much as i am...
Can you imagine the rush i had imagining that i need not come last...
I ran giving it all i had....
Ran for my life in short...
And guess what for once I didnt come last in the race...
I was happier than the winner i suppose...
Today, i wanna thank that girl, whoever you are...for making my day and giving me hope that i neednt be last :D
Thanks!

--Shreya :)

Friendship et al :)

I have always been curious to understand how people become "friends". In some cases it is desperation, in some it is circumstantial, some others we "choose".

But most of my best friends, who have been so for years now, have been those that i never felt important at the outset. Neither were they very charming or totally entertaining.

But with time i found that these were the people i connected to at a soul level and with whom even sharing the naked truth wouldnt make me cringe. I have realized all those relationships which God chooses for me have always been the best i could ever ask for. Even in friendships those that i never consciously befriended have always turned out to be very special ones.

One common thing among all of them is that, i wouldnt mind being dumb with them and i would never fear telling them even my dark secrets coz i m perfectly confident that they would never be judgemental about me.

Is this a quality we all crave in friends. Is this the comfort level we expect with everyone we encounter. I wonder what brings in that comfort level. How do you take friends from being just there to the next level where they mean everythign to u.

So this makes me first analyze what friends are.

I have always felt that we need friends to keep at bay our loneliness for one, and to keep life full of colours with a new expression of life in them.

Seeing same things differently and appreciating it maybe attracts me to friends.

I have always felt i make friends out of instincts. i just "know" if they can be the ones i can relate to or not.

This does not mean i have not made mistakes in choosing my friends. Yes indeed i have had my share of pains in friendship to the say the least :)

But i m so glad i made them. Now i have a benchmark to compare and see whether i m in a relationship adding value to my life. Friends for me are the ones i can respect them for what they are. I hate being prejudiced about anythign at all. I love accepting them with their flaws intact. :)

Maybe the foremost thing i would look for in friends is that someone with whom i can talk to. Just about anythign at all. Even the most mundane topics would turn into animated discussions if you were to connect to the person.

Well there are some friendships too which become an essential part of your life for no particular reason.

Deepest bonds are formed i guess with those with whom you can connect to with your soul. I guess those are the friends who would be your "alter ego".

It gives a great amount of strength just to remind myself of all those people with whom i share such a bonding and whom i can fall back on anyday/anytime!

This reminds of how much i have regretted some company. I hate anybody who would ever drain me out. Any negative feeling i seem to catch it pretty quickly :( :(

Prolonged exposure to such feelings make me slightly shaken up.

So I'm in a conscious effort to distance myself from all the negativity.

C'mon there is just one life and let's live it up.

I am not even sure what's in store for tomorrow. If i possibly can let me share a piece of my heart and maybe a heartfelt hug or a few kind words. Please do not confuse flattery or fake appreciation by kind words.

If tomorrow i did die, i would not want to regret having hurt someone intentionally.

I feel guilt is to too heavy to carry on. So i believe in keeping things simple.

If i possibly can do good, so be it. Else i did rather shut my mouth.

One principle of life i have discovered , "What goes around, comes around". Since i would rather not be at the recipient end of any of these i dare not initiate any on my own!

Well, in all this i do not intend to say that do not defend yourself. Ofcourse one should!

Most importantly I love myself more than anyone else in this world. If anybody would make me love myself lesser, i would rather do away with that friendship/relationship.

What good is it if it can't make you appreciate yourself!

Okie, i guess too much overdoze for a day! :P

Please do let me know your views.

Well, this post was dedicated to all my best friends :)

Have a nice day tomorrow all of u!

Gnite for now:)

--Shreya

Alone or Lonely

I have always wondered what's the diff b/w the two....

Here is my take on it...

To be honest i don know what does the dictionary say and for a fact i don care :P

To digress a lil, i always feel language is meant only to convey meanings and emotions....its immaterial what is the per se meaning...as long as the intended recipients get the message loud and clear :) :)

Ok, back to alone/lonely, in both cases you lack company. The difference being whether we choose it or does it happen.

Pondering a lil deeply on the same , i feel most things in life happen 'coz we choose it. Nothing would happen to us without our consent, aint it that way?

Ok Alone = choosing to be by myself and lonely = when i am left with noone around me and it may not have been my choice.

Oflate i did find myself lonely; maybe partially it was contributed by my environment given the change that happened in my life.

Any change i have noticed, though i have accepted it whole heartedly, somehow deep within there's a part of me which is still having a strong foothold in the past.

The change requires acceptance from within and is a long and slow process. I have always been impatient with the outcomes of change and mayb thus results in me feeling a lil lost.

Many a times i find myself alone amidst the most entertaining crowds, i wonder why.

Sometimes i choose to be alone, there is a part of me which wants to speak to myself.

I call it the "alone time" and i treasure those moments. Though i m silent all the while with/without thoughts running on my mind, there is a deeper communication happening within. It just needs a quiet mind to listen.

Nevertheless alone/lonely i convert them to be by choice :)

I prefer making my choices in life coz in the end u wud feel responsible and "choose" to be happy :)

Either way, i jus cant stop loving myself ;)

Someone once said, a person who cant love himself can never love another.

I have truly internalized this line i suppose ;)

As i end the post, the song chinnama chilakkamma plays on :)

jus love the song :)

i'll enjoy my song and hit the bed!

--happy reading and as always eager 2 hear ur comments/views

shreya :)

Oh my God!! It rains again!!!

I have always wondered if i like the rain or do i dislike it. I have never been able to decide. It always depends where i am and whether i "want" to get drenched and most importantly the intensity of rain.

I know I know way too many conditions to decide if i can like rain or not!! But cant help it :)

Today as i see the whole weather so gloomy and cloudy i'm reminded of the innumerous times when i have got drenched when i used 2 return home in my last company.

How ridiculously optimistic i used to be when i used to set out all geared up with my raincoat and my poor scooty to attack the never-seeeming-to-end rain!!

I used to always assume it would stop raining. But as ever it used to stop only when my scooty would land me home :( :(

The only thing missing in my attire was a wiper to my spectacles :) :) How awesome would it look!! loool

Now, i will tell u why i like the rain and why i dont.

When i see the rain sitting indoors, i find it very amusing and interesting, emotional etc.. a gust of emotions would engulf me. I am all excited to get drenched in the rain.

Then i set out all courageously into the rain, with my scooty or without it...

Let's first take my scooty thing...
I m all so excited that i wud get drenched and it would be fun.
What starts as a drizzle all of a sudden is a thunderstorm only to end when i would get off my scooty :( :(
All through it's soooo cold i m shivering and i hate rains then!!
i can hardly grip my handlebar...forget enjoying the rain...
and i wanna listen 2 music...and i m paranoid the rain would screw up my mob/ipod :(

to top it all, i jus don understand y does all the gutter water gets attracted only 2 me when i m riding :(....every car/auto/bus name anything else manage to trouble me...even a cyclewala manages to splash water on me...x-(
and the probability of the water ending on me is highest if i m wearing a light coloured dress :(

soo finally no music, and it's brrrrrrr cold....and the dirty muddy clumsy water and the all drenched dogs...who are sooo amused 2 c me ride....gosh!!!!!!

ok now when i'm nt on my dearest scooty but i m on foot, god save me then!
i don understand how this works....but everytime i m farthest from my home, somehow the raingods are very amused.x-(
and guess what happens next...
most occassions, no umbrella...
taking shelter in sum shop....wondering which auto guy comes around...
and when its drizzling...i venture out as though on a war...asking every other auto guy if he is ready to drop by to my area...
the reactions are the most entertaining to all viewers...the auto drivers look at us like we'r from sum other planet...and the worst of all...no reaction at all....they jus turn away as though i spoke in Greek!!!
Goodness save me...
Time is running out...and no bugger seems to be ready to even understand which area i'm talking about!! :(
Then comes the saviour...prayer...pray hard...to alll possible gods...that u reach home in time...else mom will fry u alive :P
and for that to happen we need an auto...so pray hard for that...
somehow miraculously sum fellow nods his head and turns the meter upside down!! phew!!!!!!!!
muddy streets...gawking people...no autos...need a better reason to hate rains!! :(
and add sum  1 1/2 for the auto guy who demands it as it would be his birth rite by saying "male madam...yaru bartare ashtu doora" ok agreed boss!! move it!!
u wud pay him 3 1/2 instead in that moment ;)

anyway so my conclusion is...
i love rains when i m indoors and none of the above is happening :)
hate it when i m in any of the above situations :(

lemme knw ur views on rains...if u like or hate it...
keep u posted :)

Blissfully Alone

As i fly across the serene blue sky,

I feel the wind blowing hard on my face,

I feel hollow and light from within.

My heart soars and my wings lift up.

Though i sail alone, i feel blessed;

The wind roars, i feel i'm in heaven;

I roam wildly assuming there's no end.

Little did i know then, things are bound to end.

Before i realized i was in the heart of a storm.

I knew i was falling into danger.

I desperately tried to fly away from it,

I tried hard to protect myself;

How do i fight nature,

How do i fight the all-encompassing, all-knowing God.

In the endless rain, i sailed on,

I thought nothing about my destination;

I didnt know where I was headed,

I closed my eyes, trusted my heart and flew with the rain.

Strangely my heart seemed to know the route to safety,

I opened my eyes, and saw the most spectacular rainbow,

I felt blessed to be alive to see it,

As drops of rain still drip from my feathers,

I knew i had conquered something greater than death.

I had conquered a part of myself,

My happiness knew no bounds.

Today i was a free bird, free to be myself,

I let go off all bondage, i felt lighter than ever
My heart tells me, everything is bound to change..

If heaven be on Earth, it did be here and now.

Challenge

I have always wondered what best challenges me.

After continious trial and error with myself, i realized, the only one who can challenge my abilities is myself. Irrespective of the end result, you win.

The fact that you challenge yourself is a way upwards in the scale of improvement.

Simple things like consciously doing certain things, like maybe being quiet for as long as you can; or controlling your thoughts; controlling your behaviour in a situation.

A human mind is always moulded to behave in certain ways in a given situation. As kids, we never exert restrain on our emotions or our behaviour. If imposed, the natural reaction is to oppose it. One of my teachers once said "Forbidden fruit is the sweetest"!!
I wonder why is the mind conditioned to behave this way.

Through time, our mind gets adjusted to a certain set of behaviours. We tend to react in the same way given the same situations.

The challenge lies in refraining from doing things expected. The thrill of surprising yourself is amazing in itself.

Each time i get angry, i try to resist the temptation of pouting and displaying my anger. I try to be silent, trying to listen to myself.

I have learnt viewing your own life objectively like an outsider helps in seeing things differently. When you are in the storm-centre, it can be hard to rationalize things. It helps to view things outside of the happenings.

So all in all, next time try to challenge yourself in whatever ways you like.:)

That's it for now :)

Whose life is it by the way!

To start off, i couldn't help choose this topic, this is all that which would come to mind :P

My colleague once said, "Its God's responsibility, we just assume it is ours" :)

How profound!

I was gawking like a fool just too amazed by the intensity of the statement.

If spirituality is to be believed in its truest sense, then isnt God supposed to protect us always.

Why do we assume, we need to be responsible for everything that we do.

If everything is already predefined, then what are we striving for!

Why don't we just sit back and watch the show instead.

Spirituality talks about Karma or Duty one is bound by in this universe. This is so confusing. Why would you want to do your duty if things were all pre-decided.

Why does mythology always insist on following and not on questioning, or is it our interpretation.

So the next time someone would insist on being responsible, i would surely give it a second thought ;)

For all i know, irrespective of what i do, it's God's responsibility.:)

On the same note, i wonder how does prayer work. Does it change our destinies or is it just that we believe it to.

All in all, i feel God is just a state of mind. A faith, a belief which would comfort us, strengthen us.

It gives us hope without which the world wouldnt be what it is today.

---Urs Meanderer :)
 21/10/09