My love for underdogs

From time immemorial, i have always had a soft corner for the underdog. I always support the less famous when watching any sport. I always badly want them to win no matter what. It dont know why my instincts are soo strong when it comes to this. Maybe it could have a history lying with me ;)
Well you could call me an underdog too. I have never been among the favorites at school, college et al. But I always loved to prove people wrong. I wanted to be that sudden wonder. A surprise topper, surprise winner. It gave me a weird pleasure :P
I have never liked it that people have great expectations from me to deliver every time. I like to mellow down, perform low and then perform high. Especially when people least expect from you.
That's what i like about an underdog. That's why i started supporting Nadal in tennis. He was one of the few who could give Federer a run for his money. Federer is too perfect to believe. I like real men. Men who do mistakes, who try hard. Nadal always impressed me with that. Though he wasnt as perfect, he was a champion. He stood up against every other person who questioned his ability and performed soo well, people were forced to love him. i have always had a fetish for rebels :P someone who would prove the world wrong. Maybe that rebel streak was too strong in me since childhood. Poor my mom :) :)
I have always been great friends with such people even at work. I somehow innately find such people :) and find them really attractive.. :)
Salute and love all such rebels :D :D

What does real beauty mean to you??

Ever since I came to know of this contest, I kept brain-storming what is an honest answer to this..I couldn’t answer in a jiffy. But the answer seemed simpler than I thought..To start with I want to write about how the perception of beauty has changed in my mind over the years. When I was younger I always attributed beauty to the fairer complexion. Born with a dusky complexion, I always felt I missed out on something..I felt God forgot something when creating me. Like most of the girls in India, I too tried fairness creams, but without any luck. My concept on fairness creams has now changed. The industry runs only on hope, hope that someday I may become fairer. Today when I see anyone running behind fairness creams, all that I want to tell them is, get real folks!! There’s no way you are getting any fairer :-)

Anyway to get back to the point, so I always felt less endowed with beauty. Through a greater part of my teen years, I was a huge build (or so I call myself), I was tall and also well built. I wanted to be thin and with a great figure like most of my peers. I starved myself and yearned to look beautiful. Again I attributed my physique to beauty. I always felt shallow about myself being less beautiful. To cut the long sorry story short, one fine day it dawned on me, that my chances of me getting any fairer or thinner is very slim. I better start living a life. Towards my early 20s I realised this and started to dress up to please my own eyes. I told myself, it doesn’t matter if someone considers me beautiful. All that matters is what I feel about myself. Do I continue telling myself I am dusky and fat or that I take them in my stride and walk in pride? I decided the latter. I felt deeper when I thought of myself as a person who is beyond my looks. I am a person with stronger values, abilities like none other. The fact of matter was that, beyond the many things, I was one of the many unique creations. There is no other person as beautiful as me or even close to what I look like. I am bestowed with beauty which no other person has. Whether someone else likes it or not, I am proud of my looks. As this thought sunk in, I felt a change in how I felt about myself, how I dressed, how I looked. And this change started penetrating into different aspects of my life. There was no significant change in my physique, but there was a mountain of change in my mind. As time progressed, I found a lot of people admiring this Bold, beautiful and mindful person (which added to my budding confidence). But there was something deeper which was building within me. I was growing as a person and I was sculpting a better individual.

I worked hard on building my character. I wanted to be that person I am not ashamed of when I look in the mirror. This was building an innate confidence. When I saw myself in a new perspective, I felt stronger and something which is hard to describe in words. In all probabilities, my looks haven’t changed drastically over the years. But my personality has definitely changed. I feel more confident and stronger. My experiences have made me what I am. Today I see beauty in a new light. I see beauty in every little thing. A baby’s innocent smile, a puppy’s love, a mother’s hug, the first rains, the little drops of dew on a fresh leaf and also the ocean like spark of the eyes – all describe the most beautiful form of love. As they say, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder; I find beauty in its purest forms today. It’s an ethereal feeling to experience beauty. Where there’s love, one can understand beauty. Where there’s unconditional love, you see beauty even in most crooked object.

In retrospect today, I feel I wish I could tell my teenage self that you are beautiful the way you are. And the need to be famous among your peers or to have a fan following is not a necessity for a beautiful self. Well, no regrets. Today I stand with a head held high, proud of my face, my body, my achievements and experiences alike.

--Shreya

Random Ramblings! :)

Lots of people ask me why dont i wanna stay in US for a long time. A difficult question to answer. Before i answer the question, I will tell you a little more about how my ah-so-ordinary-day looks like. I wake up in the morning early or late depending on if i was talking to someone in India last night or no. The first thing that runs on my mind is..what for lunch?? Cook something quick if possible, maybe a roti or heat yesterday's rice or probably more stale.. the refrigerator isnt more useful than now..get ready quickly..have a quick breakfast at the hotel lobby..which on most days is cornflakes. strangely i dont seem to get bored of the taste:)
for a vegetarian like me there's hardly any option on most days..intially when i came to US, i used to get all irked up seeing the raw meat...now i m so used to it..it hardly affects me..
so after a breakfast, i call in for a taxi and rush to office with multiple bags struggling to help myself from falling off :) after a either an extremely sulking day or not-so-boring day i return home. The only thing i can think of is take a little rest and then need to cook. I cook for an hour or so and i need to cook in excess so that i dont have to do it everyday and save a little of my time. If so, then i would end up eating the same pulav for 3 straight days 2 times a day! phew! do i miss my mom? u bet! especially when she is such an awesome cook.
there are a few things that get straightened in the first few days of reaching US. There is a subtle difference between being alone and being independent. Mostly in US you happen to be alone. I know I am making a lot of generic statements. But all this is my own personal experience and not on behalf of anyone. You have an ecstatic day, you have no-one to share it with. You come home to a heated/air conditioned room to all yourself. You acclaim youself to see a lot of crime stories on TV coz they are the most aired on almost all channels. You learn to understand tennis/football and end up likin the game if you are lucky, but if you are like me, you will end up switching off the TV. So if not TV what do you do? You try to go for a walk. It's so desolated mostly, there's hardly anyone on the roads. More than anything initially when i came here, i felt a lot silence. Silence everywhere, at home, at office, on the streets everywhere. After a point the silence sunk into me so deep that i started craving for chatter. I wanted noise. I wanted people. I wanted laughter, some fun.
I kept saving a money every place i could. My eyes would only search for discounts everywhere. I kept thinking if i save a few dollars, i can buy a nice gift for my parents. Kept checking the exchange rates, if i could add a few bucks more to my savings.
I come back home and make a nice meal, but to eat alone. In India i hated to eat alone. I would skip lunch on many days if i had to eat alone. And here i am eatign alone everyday all 3 meals. Phew! quite a change i must admit. Nothing feels lonelier than to eat all by yourself. if you cook well, there's no one else to share it with. If you cook badly, you suck up and eat it. You dont have your mom to throw a tantrum and say i dont want to eat it.
As each day progresses, you rediscover yourself. There is so much quietness around you, that you invariably introspect. Today after spending almost 6 months in US(counting both my trips), i hardly feel lonely. I dont know why. You get used to being alone. Despite the fact that i hardly have any friends after coming from work, i dont feel i miss anyone now. yet, i dont want to stay back here.
Here is the simple reason. When i can have all my luxuries back in India, why should i stay here? For earning a few dollars more? Well what am i weighing that against? leaving behind my closest people? dearest family, friends and a happy life? Hell no! I would rather forego buying clothes for a year and save more than give up all this for nothing. I have had too much of a deal of my 'me-time'. I need people now. I need conversations. I need to speak to my close people face to face and not wait till it's dawn in India and make a call. I need to emote when i feel like and i dont want to live the weekend emotions life. I dont wanna keep thinking about picking a call from a family member for pay 10c/min. I want to be available when they want me to be. I want to do the same.
I dont mind if i will get a few gizmos a few months later in India. I can live without them. I cant live without my family.
For all the devil's advocate about traffic and corruption. Well,i am used to it now. there's no feeling like being a citizen. I dont have to show my passport ever to anyone in India. The place is as much mine as my prime minister's. I dont need to justify my stay. If you are an alien, you are an alien. Even 30 years later you are an alien. I dont want to forego ever what i love for money. Because love can never be equated to money. Call me an emotional fool, yes i admit. I am happy and content being this way and love to be in my lovable surroundings.
I am not an US-hater though.  :) I just love India and Bangalore a lot more.
I must admit God has bestowed on this country the best of nature. It just uplfts my spirit to take a walk in this country. It's simply so serene that i would let go all my stress in a minute.
As i count days and hours before i return back for good, I do leave with a heavy heart. I have made some good friends around here. Will miss you guys! But I am going back to home and there's no second place like it in this world.

Cheers!

Salute - Anna Hazare

The longer i read about Anna Hazare, there is a deep sense of pride and respect. There is an intuitive feeling of history being written now. The new dawn begins with this protest. I hope all the efforts pay off. A billion hopes pinned on this movement. It cant get better than this. We believe we can eradicate corruption. We believe we have the power to change. We feel proud of our nation, protective of it. Time to feel powerful to bring a change. I hope to pray the hardest this time round. Patriotism is a very difficult feeling to explain or rationalize. It's something you feel deeply passionate about. Something which you feel you owe to the country, a deep sense of gratitude. I cant categorize what i feel grateful about. It's a feeling of 'mine' when i think about my country. I feel ownership to do something. To bring a change.
If Gandhiji is looking down at us, i hope he feels proud. Finally we as a nation can reunite even a century later too..I hope he is with us in spirit and hope bringing in more hope and strength to the cause. The nation needs it more than ever. It's no less than a horror story to be eaten by your own people.

Today with great respect I salute you Anna Hazare. I promise to do my bit in this struggle for a better home. I hope and pray this movement brings in a change we all have only dreamt about. Jai Hind.

The mysteries of mist:

when i see you..
why do i always feel
you are hiding something behind u..
how would i know,
the only way to know u best
was to experience you...
to feel you...
the cold rising through my spine...
the mystery unfolding...
every inch i walk closer into you..
the haze of the mist...
the wonder of nature keeps me wonderstruck..


why do i find you
so similar to love...
the intangible emotion..
which cant be said..
which cant be seen...
yet best felt..
oh heart..say it when you feel it..
life may not be here
to experience this moment again...
the cold of the wind and
the warmth of the emotion
culminating in the heart..

Arbit lines as i pass thru life :)

A look conveying a thousand words,
A whisper saying it all,


A wish wishing to speak till eternity,
Yet speechless..
Wishing to stop time and experience the moment,
Yet not feeling a moment..

Is an experience a feeling of dismay..
of wonder..or joy...
i would never know...
only experiencing it would probably let me know

The beauty of sound,
Of silence,
Being immersed in the sound,
Being a part of the whole,

The beauty of pride,
Of being myself,
Of letting go and indulge,
To be free and submerged in love

Freedom

I am free says my heart,
Free from the clutter of the world,
Free from my emotions,
Free from my decisions,
Free from my confusions,
Free to choose,
Free to ignore,
Free to be happy
Free to be sad,
Free to cry
Free to jump in joy
Free to be ecstatic


The free state of being,
My natural state to be in,
The freedom to choose,
To feel,
To inspire,
To experience,
To rejoice,
To fly,


And finally to be ME..
The culmination of all of these..
And yet free...
And i call myself the epitome
Of freedom,
Of Love,
Of life
Love to be Me!

My encounter with Jenukallu :)

On a foggy groggy morning - the eve of Christmas we set out to explore Jenukallu, Sakleshpur. Needless to say, nature beckoned us to discover it. After a tough drive through the foggy Bangalore morning, we stop at hotel Mayura for breakfast in Belur Cross. I woke up from a deep slumber to have a nice breakfast, some sunshine and a hot tea. Ahh, naaaice was what my heart kept ringing :D

So we then set out to continue our journey, to an endless stretch of Antakshari, screaming and tired 10 souls rest. We again stop in Sakleshpur town to shop for some shampoos, gifts, chocs et al. It feels good to get some sunshine on our tired, cold faces :) After a short drive we reach the Jenukallu Valley Resort. Yuppie :D
It's almost noon when we reach there. We explore the resort, its rustic swings, nature..wow...serene was the word to describe it. After hanging out and enjoying for a bit, we head out for lunch. Really delicious food, simple ambience and some loving chefs. We split into groups and carry our luggage to our respective cottages. One distinct thing you would notice is the coffee wood furniture everywhere in the resort - from the dining hall to the cottages :) Gives a regal look to the place. The view from the cottages too is excellent. Long stretches of forest, a slush volleyball ground and a cool wind blowing past you. Nothing can beat it. We sit and relax a bit, chatting, some fun and a lazy afternoon. We then decide to head out for a bit of cricket and volleyball. The resort has a host of games to enjoy and have fun - from carrom, cricket, volleyball, badminton a private waterfall. It is a perfect getaway to unwind and refresh yourself. After the games we then head out to the waterfall. We had to get down some 50 steps, made of tree branches amidst dense forest to reach the falls. Its a safe, fun place. We enjoyed to the hilt splashing, falling, gurgling water :) There is a thing about having fun, unless you let down your guard and have fun like kid, there is no fun at all. It's pure in its purest form when played like a kid. It did remind me of my childhood days of play. We then rushed back to our cottages to change.

After a cold dip in the water, we were served hot tea, popcorn, bhajjis next to the bonfire! Voila! It was mindblowing. The pathway from the dining hall to the cottages is a long walk, lit by lights. It resembled a runway from far. The evening was spectacular next to the bonfire. Chatting, some more fun, eating and each of us warming ourselves in front of the fire. We then head to the dining hall for more rounds of carrom. It was fun to cheer, scream and scoff at opponents ;) heheh. Then the guide suggested we take a night trek. I decided to go along half mindedly, but then happened to be one of the best decisions i made. The trek in a pitch dark night, with just 2 solar lights to save our day, we set out. The guide started the journey with some ghostly stories, which i detested the most :(
And then we made up to the top of a small hill. It was one of my most peaceful places. It's said heaven was divided into smaller pieces and spread across the world. Probably this was one of the smaller pieces. The moon looked splendid in the serene atmosphere. We could see a series of smaller and bigger hills all around us. The famous hill in the area, Jenukallu is the 2nd highest peak in Karnataka. It was mindblowing to watch it. We spent sometime there and headed back to the resort, to a sumptuous meal and a good sleep.
We started the new morning with some hot tea, biscuits. I spent a while trying out my hand at badminton, was fun. And then we headed out to our trek. It was almost an 45mins - 1hour long trek. The stretch though not very hard but tested our fitness levels. I was totally dissappointed by my own fitness levels :( The good part being, i have started on a regular exercise regime since then ;)
We reached the peak, had some water, biscuits some scenic view, some pictures. It was a picture perfect trek. We then slowly started heading back. It took us close to 1/2 hr to reach the foot of the hill. We sat down for some rest, some more chit chat and then a quick walk back to the resort. We change quickly and head to TT to take us to one more spectacular waterfall. It lived up to its reputation. The rocks surrounding it, were covered in algae to the hilt. It was a adventurous slide/walk to the falls :) All of us like before played like kids and in about an hour's time we headed back. We changed and then had lunch - a simple tasty meal like always. It was time for us to start our journey back to Blore soon. My heart yearned to stay back, have more fun. Sigh! So we ended our journey bidding goodbye to Sakleshpur, its coffee estates, the mindblowing beauty and heading back to a monotony.
All in all, i have promised myself another trip to the resort sometime. It's worth every penny you pay.

For those of you interested in the resort details : http://www.jenukallu.com/