I have always been curious to understand how people become "friends". In some cases it is desperation, in some it is circumstantial, some others we "choose".
But most of my best friends, who have been so for years now, have been those that i never felt important at the outset. Neither were they very charming or totally entertaining.
But with time i found that these were the people i connected to at a soul level and with whom even sharing the naked truth wouldnt make me cringe. I have realized all those relationships which God chooses for me have always been the best i could ever ask for. Even in friendships those that i never consciously befriended have always turned out to be very special ones.
One common thing among all of them is that, i wouldnt mind being dumb with them and i would never fear telling them even my dark secrets coz i m perfectly confident that they would never be judgemental about me.
Is this a quality we all crave in friends. Is this the comfort level we expect with everyone we encounter. I wonder what brings in that comfort level. How do you take friends from being just there to the next level where they mean everythign to u.
So this makes me first analyze what friends are.
I have always felt that we need friends to keep at bay our loneliness for one, and to keep life full of colours with a new expression of life in them.
Seeing same things differently and appreciating it maybe attracts me to friends.
I have always felt i make friends out of instincts. i just "know" if they can be the ones i can relate to or not.
This does not mean i have not made mistakes in choosing my friends. Yes indeed i have had my share of pains in friendship to the say the least :)
But i m so glad i made them. Now i have a benchmark to compare and see whether i m in a relationship adding value to my life. Friends for me are the ones i can respect them for what they are. I hate being prejudiced about anythign at all. I love accepting them with their flaws intact. :)
Maybe the foremost thing i would look for in friends is that someone with whom i can talk to. Just about anythign at all. Even the most mundane topics would turn into animated discussions if you were to connect to the person.
Well there are some friendships too which become an essential part of your life for no particular reason.
Deepest bonds are formed i guess with those with whom you can connect to with your soul. I guess those are the friends who would be your "alter ego".
It gives a great amount of strength just to remind myself of all those people with whom i share such a bonding and whom i can fall back on anyday/anytime!
This reminds of how much i have regretted some company. I hate anybody who would ever drain me out. Any negative feeling i seem to catch it pretty quickly :( :(
Prolonged exposure to such feelings make me slightly shaken up.
So I'm in a conscious effort to distance myself from all the negativity.
C'mon there is just one life and let's live it up.
I am not even sure what's in store for tomorrow. If i possibly can let me share a piece of my heart and maybe a heartfelt hug or a few kind words. Please do not confuse flattery or fake appreciation by kind words.
If tomorrow i did die, i would not want to regret having hurt someone intentionally.
I feel guilt is to too heavy to carry on. So i believe in keeping things simple.
If i possibly can do good, so be it. Else i did rather shut my mouth.
One principle of life i have discovered , "What goes around, comes around". Since i would rather not be at the recipient end of any of these i dare not initiate any on my own!
Well, in all this i do not intend to say that do not defend yourself. Ofcourse one should!
Most importantly I love myself more than anyone else in this world. If anybody would make me love myself lesser, i would rather do away with that friendship/relationship.
What good is it if it can't make you appreciate yourself!
Okie, i guess too much overdoze for a day! :P
Please do let me know your views.
Well, this post was dedicated to all my best friends :)
Have a nice day tomorrow all of u!
Gnite for now:)
--Shreya
While you've made a good case that friendship arises more out of a 'gut feel' than 'choosing', you've ignored another equally important factor: luck, or (mathematically speaking) probability.
ReplyDeleteDon't you think the friend circle we have are usually restricted to those from our school, college, and workplace? If you had chosen to attend a different school or work elsewhere, you would probably have had a different set (not necessarily any better or worse) of friends.
The reason I bring in probablity here is that I realized toward the end of my NITK stint that there were very many folks with whom I had not connected as well as I should have. The only reason turned out to be that maybe on the very first day of school, I so happened to sit with one group 'A', and inertia meant that I sat with them the next day and the day after. Moreover, the mix of people in 'A' gave me enough satisfaction not to move on to a different group 'B' (you'd move on only when you are disenchanted with someone, else you don't). Perhaps, if I had a chance to sit with 'B' when I entered the class on the first day, I could have never had a chance to develop close friendships with those in 'A', right?
PS: Of course, choosing a group on the very first day was not completely random as I make it sound here. Factors like language, hometown, prior acquaintances, and many others (including intuition) had already skewed that equation before I even entered the class.
Well, i didnt address these in detail but i did attribute friendhsips can happen to be circumstantial :)
ReplyDeleteanyway nice 2 read ur views :)
very nice one
ReplyDeletewow sakthi, its an honour that a compliment coming from u :)
ReplyDeletethanks a ton :D :D
Good one shreya... Liked it!
ReplyDelete