Random Ramblings! :)

Lots of people ask me why dont i wanna stay in US for a long time. A difficult question to answer. Before i answer the question, I will tell you a little more about how my ah-so-ordinary-day looks like. I wake up in the morning early or late depending on if i was talking to someone in India last night or no. The first thing that runs on my mind is..what for lunch?? Cook something quick if possible, maybe a roti or heat yesterday's rice or probably more stale.. the refrigerator isnt more useful than now..get ready quickly..have a quick breakfast at the hotel lobby..which on most days is cornflakes. strangely i dont seem to get bored of the taste:)
for a vegetarian like me there's hardly any option on most days..intially when i came to US, i used to get all irked up seeing the raw meat...now i m so used to it..it hardly affects me..
so after a breakfast, i call in for a taxi and rush to office with multiple bags struggling to help myself from falling off :) after a either an extremely sulking day or not-so-boring day i return home. The only thing i can think of is take a little rest and then need to cook. I cook for an hour or so and i need to cook in excess so that i dont have to do it everyday and save a little of my time. If so, then i would end up eating the same pulav for 3 straight days 2 times a day! phew! do i miss my mom? u bet! especially when she is such an awesome cook.
there are a few things that get straightened in the first few days of reaching US. There is a subtle difference between being alone and being independent. Mostly in US you happen to be alone. I know I am making a lot of generic statements. But all this is my own personal experience and not on behalf of anyone. You have an ecstatic day, you have no-one to share it with. You come home to a heated/air conditioned room to all yourself. You acclaim youself to see a lot of crime stories on TV coz they are the most aired on almost all channels. You learn to understand tennis/football and end up likin the game if you are lucky, but if you are like me, you will end up switching off the TV. So if not TV what do you do? You try to go for a walk. It's so desolated mostly, there's hardly anyone on the roads. More than anything initially when i came here, i felt a lot silence. Silence everywhere, at home, at office, on the streets everywhere. After a point the silence sunk into me so deep that i started craving for chatter. I wanted noise. I wanted people. I wanted laughter, some fun.
I kept saving a money every place i could. My eyes would only search for discounts everywhere. I kept thinking if i save a few dollars, i can buy a nice gift for my parents. Kept checking the exchange rates, if i could add a few bucks more to my savings.
I come back home and make a nice meal, but to eat alone. In India i hated to eat alone. I would skip lunch on many days if i had to eat alone. And here i am eatign alone everyday all 3 meals. Phew! quite a change i must admit. Nothing feels lonelier than to eat all by yourself. if you cook well, there's no one else to share it with. If you cook badly, you suck up and eat it. You dont have your mom to throw a tantrum and say i dont want to eat it.
As each day progresses, you rediscover yourself. There is so much quietness around you, that you invariably introspect. Today after spending almost 6 months in US(counting both my trips), i hardly feel lonely. I dont know why. You get used to being alone. Despite the fact that i hardly have any friends after coming from work, i dont feel i miss anyone now. yet, i dont want to stay back here.
Here is the simple reason. When i can have all my luxuries back in India, why should i stay here? For earning a few dollars more? Well what am i weighing that against? leaving behind my closest people? dearest family, friends and a happy life? Hell no! I would rather forego buying clothes for a year and save more than give up all this for nothing. I have had too much of a deal of my 'me-time'. I need people now. I need conversations. I need to speak to my close people face to face and not wait till it's dawn in India and make a call. I need to emote when i feel like and i dont want to live the weekend emotions life. I dont wanna keep thinking about picking a call from a family member for pay 10c/min. I want to be available when they want me to be. I want to do the same.
I dont mind if i will get a few gizmos a few months later in India. I can live without them. I cant live without my family.
For all the devil's advocate about traffic and corruption. Well,i am used to it now. there's no feeling like being a citizen. I dont have to show my passport ever to anyone in India. The place is as much mine as my prime minister's. I dont need to justify my stay. If you are an alien, you are an alien. Even 30 years later you are an alien. I dont want to forego ever what i love for money. Because love can never be equated to money. Call me an emotional fool, yes i admit. I am happy and content being this way and love to be in my lovable surroundings.
I am not an US-hater though.  :) I just love India and Bangalore a lot more.
I must admit God has bestowed on this country the best of nature. It just uplfts my spirit to take a walk in this country. It's simply so serene that i would let go all my stress in a minute.
As i count days and hours before i return back for good, I do leave with a heavy heart. I have made some good friends around here. Will miss you guys! But I am going back to home and there's no second place like it in this world.

Cheers!