I me myself

Who am I?
Am i the person you feel i am,
Or am i different?
Am i same as my soul?
Am i my emotions?
Or are they formed from me?

Am i different from my personality?
Or my profession, relationships et al represent me?
Is my identity the result of all my environment?
Or are the way they are 'coz of me?

I wonder which is the source
And which is the destination...
I feel I am the culmination of all
The subjective and the objective self lives within me


The world exists the way it does only
because i see it that way...
The world is a reflection of me..
I see you in myself
You have contributed to me being myself
And i see a part of myself in you
So are we inseparable?
Are we then really 'different'?

My soul finds it equillibrium
In understanding that the world is the whole of parts
And we are part of the whole
I learn and grow from the world around me
And I contribute to its growth too

My identity stems from my world and from my inner soul.

--Shreya

Withdrawal Symptoms!

I returned home yesterday after my short stint at IIMB.
The only feeling deep in my heart is a longing to go back to the campus. I m not even sure if i miss the campus more or the people. It was a totally different experience.
I tried to explaining to many of them why most of my classmates and me cried on the convocation day. But I just couldnt capture the feelings in words. Let me try here.

When i decided to join IIMB, I knew things were falling in place. I knew deep within me i was doing the right thing. The conviction was there deep within me.

From being a just-another-software-engineer to having got the modest beginning, it has been a journey i would never ever forget. I m just craving for more of the experience. The people i met -from profs, classmates, hostel-mates, plain strangers who helped me...man what an experience it was! Just loved every second of it. There were a zillion thrilling moments - from preparing my own balance sheet, P&L et al. It gives you a new high. It is like selecting clothes for your newborn. You cherish and love every bit of it. So, more-or-less i have evolved as a person. I am convinced that i love starting my own venture compared to anything. The feeling and knowledge of knowing it gives a new high.

So on the convocation day, i could see my old self and my new self merged into me. The transition was so subtle, i never realised it happening. And accepting the culmination of this merger, was a revelation unto me. There was a sudden surge of emotions i couldnt explain nor comprehend. There were faces around me who I probably would never get a chance to meet again. There is a bond with each of those faces. We as a group were winning. The victory of your inner self over the world. This platform gave us the jump to face each challenge in the real life.

The campus always gave the feeling of hope, of security and excitement. I wouldnt cringe to walk at 1 am by myself on campus (except for the dogs). The people are so helpful - they helped me from shooing away lizards to critiquing on my business plan. The people here are both my classmates to complete strangers. The place exudes a positivity nothing else can match. Love you IIMB!!

A big thanks to all those who made a huge difference in my life - from my dearest friends to our awesome, super-cool profs to Amul bhaiyya to our Mess uncle.

Miss you all tooo much... Wish the programme never ended...

--Shreya

How many hands are in here??

Where is the child in me!

How many times i must have asked this question to myself i wonder.

One thing i have observed is that, all adults without exception are just children with a mask on!

Some people are just brave enough to be stupid, innocent and be themselves honestly. While most others pretending to hide their childlike qualities end up cheating themselves. What good is being an adult if you cant retain the child within you.

What attracts me most to children is that they hardly care what others would end up thinking about them. They are just plainly happy in their fantasy world. The world which comprises of themselves and only those things/people who keep them happy.

Isn't it the simplest way to lead a life! I guess half the world's problems would end if people just "chose" to be happy.

Is age the only factor distinguishes a child from an adult. A big No :)

I feel maturity is in knowing and understanding things which are in our control and ignoring the rest. I also feel that maturity has a lot to do with experience and ability to think wise.

If given a choice do i want to become a child again. Well, partly yes and partly no.

I like being at my age where atleast certain things are in my control rather than with "adults" :D

Things which i miss is maybe being pampered to start with :P

i also want to remain innocent and oblivious of whatever is happening around me as long as i m happy :D :)
Just being oblivious of many of the worldy matters keeps us in peace. Doesnt  it?
Somewhere deep down i feel that is a way to be closest to God.
Who is thee who cant seek God within thyself. Didnt God create us all to be just a child.
Did we humans outsmart God's expectation or are we just confused.
Is being simple the most difficult thing. I wonder..

--Shreya
29-Mar-10

Is Beauty an overrated concept?

To start off, what does beauty mean to each of us? Is it a state of mind, perception or per se something measurable? Do we consider ourselves beautiful? Pretty tough one to answer I agree. And there is no structured definition to understand beauty.
In a general sense, what appeals to our eyes and minds probably would be closest to calling beautiful. In India, beauty is increasingly getting associated with certain pre-defined characteristics. Beauty is synonymously used with being fair. The entire world is moving towards appreciating and loving dusky beauty, and India is moving exactly in the opposite direction.
India has witnessed probably the maximum number of fairness creams in the world. No surprises here. More than half the nation is wildly thronging the market for it. Fairness creams are increasingly marketed with a strong negative message. Does fairness really contribute to success in life? And how effective are these products?
Is it actually measurable by a common man how his complexion has changed? And marketing of these products have a clear intent to convey the message that being fair gives you an extra advantage in life. Each Ad is competing relentlessly to prove that using their product would get you a better job, better husband and what not! Are we so shallow in our thinking to accept this?  Or is this a hard truth which all of us accept deep down? Why do we want to convey a message saying good looks gets us a better chance to success? From a teenager to the old, everyone seems to be hooked to these fairness creams. Where have the tall, “dark”, handsome men gone? Why are we now insisting on fairer men? A small discussion with a dermatologist would confirm that you can only prevent a tan and not become fair. Even the educated and intelligent Indian is obsessed with fairness.
From the filmdom to a matrimonial hunt, everybody has a predefined picture of a success material. Every director wants the prettiest female as a leading lady. Every man wants his wife to be an “Aishwarya Rai”!! Are we so shallow in our thinking that we measure abilities in terms of “perspective beauty”?

I now wonder if a beautiful and fair person would stand better opportunities in life. In India, the chances are really high. From kindergarten to work place, good looks always get an extra edge. Many of us would scream our heart out saying it is unfair but deep down; we are part of this unfair discrimination.

According to me, Beauty is the depiction of the purity of spirit. As the famous phrase says it, “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder”, beauty is subjective. There is no accepted form to declare someone beautiful. I really wish people would judge beauty beneath the skin, rather than the perishable complexion.

Shreya,
17-Mar-10

For Chetan Bhagat :(

First of all Happy New Year!

I am just shocked by what is happening around!!

I have been so outdated i never realised such great injustice was happening around me until my cousin called me about it.

How much i adore Chetan Bhagat and i know millions feel the same about him.

We all Indian youth connect to him. Why, coz we all go through the similar experiences in his books. When his book's lead goes through a frustration, we connect to it. When he falls in love we connect to it. We connect to every inch of his books, because there is a part of us in it. There is a part of everyone in it.

How could Aamir Khan say that so bluntly and obviously with no regret whatsoever. I am deeply hurt by his attitude mainly coz only a creative person can understand another's pain.

As Chetan aptly puts it in his blog, "Imagine someone takes your child, dresses him up and tells the world it is theirs.". I cant imagine what pain he must have gone through. It does feel devastating. This despite the fact that the whole world is a witness to the truth and yet we let people go around preaching otherwise.

What was Aamir thinking when he was supporting his writer. Did he expect the whole world to fall for some insane sympathy vote for an unrecognised writer. Ofcourse there would be none for an open plagiarism!

While browsing through channels, i found a journalist interviewing Chetan on the incident.

How insensitive must she be to ask him "What change would make you happy. Did they pay you enough compensation.". In heaven's name lady! Hats off to Chetan for being so patient answering all those questions. Giving credit is a duty. He needn't ask for it. It is his right. Money doesnt heal a hurt. The pride in knowing it is what he wrote is successful is a different experience.

What would somebody understand why he wrote the book and what it means to him. It is like sucking oxygen out of your lungs. Why do we live in a society where we tolerate such acts.

To be honest, Chetan is famous and people know the truth.

What would someone else less famous have a case.

Do we all dream of a society where we live fearlessly and proudly thinking i would never be cheated.

This is not just an issue of stealing of an idea. It is how moralistic we are. What is Aamir telling the world. Are we setting an example that it is ok to steal and take pride in it.

What do we all work for. At the end of the day if we cannot make peace with ourselves what are we living for.

When i hear people say that "Yeah India is like this. It would never change".

I just feel like shaking them up violently and ask them to do something about it. How much are we people going to speak about injustice and what is wrong and why things would not change. Every change requires an earnest mind. It requires a belief. A belief so strong that a change would come along on its own. If we believe Aamir is wrong what are we doing about it.

The "let it be" attitude has gotta change.

You feel there is something wrong in the system. Get to the roots of it. Change it. Whoever said things come easy in life. When you cant clean the shit of your land, better not crib about it either.

I really hope a change comes around.

Thanks Chetan for writing such wonderful books.

May God's blessings be with you.

--Shreya

Thanks to an unknown friend

It was one of those dreaded times of school when i was asked to run for the sports events...
god how much i detested those events...would pray that the earth opened up and i neednt run and end up coming the last in the race...
So, one more sports day, one more 100 mt sprint and one more sad day awaiting...
I went up to the race all jittery thinking how much i would be poked fun of...
My legs shivering, heart pounding, i stand in the start line..
I hear the gun shot and everyone around me is running and in a reflex so am i..
By the mid of the race...i realise the whole lot is ahead of me...except for one who is struggling to run as much as i am...
Can you imagine the rush i had imagining that i need not come last...
I ran giving it all i had....
Ran for my life in short...
And guess what for once I didnt come last in the race...
I was happier than the winner i suppose...
Today, i wanna thank that girl, whoever you are...for making my day and giving me hope that i neednt be last :D
Thanks!

--Shreya :)

Friendship et al :)

I have always been curious to understand how people become "friends". In some cases it is desperation, in some it is circumstantial, some others we "choose".

But most of my best friends, who have been so for years now, have been those that i never felt important at the outset. Neither were they very charming or totally entertaining.

But with time i found that these were the people i connected to at a soul level and with whom even sharing the naked truth wouldnt make me cringe. I have realized all those relationships which God chooses for me have always been the best i could ever ask for. Even in friendships those that i never consciously befriended have always turned out to be very special ones.

One common thing among all of them is that, i wouldnt mind being dumb with them and i would never fear telling them even my dark secrets coz i m perfectly confident that they would never be judgemental about me.

Is this a quality we all crave in friends. Is this the comfort level we expect with everyone we encounter. I wonder what brings in that comfort level. How do you take friends from being just there to the next level where they mean everythign to u.

So this makes me first analyze what friends are.

I have always felt that we need friends to keep at bay our loneliness for one, and to keep life full of colours with a new expression of life in them.

Seeing same things differently and appreciating it maybe attracts me to friends.

I have always felt i make friends out of instincts. i just "know" if they can be the ones i can relate to or not.

This does not mean i have not made mistakes in choosing my friends. Yes indeed i have had my share of pains in friendship to the say the least :)

But i m so glad i made them. Now i have a benchmark to compare and see whether i m in a relationship adding value to my life. Friends for me are the ones i can respect them for what they are. I hate being prejudiced about anythign at all. I love accepting them with their flaws intact. :)

Maybe the foremost thing i would look for in friends is that someone with whom i can talk to. Just about anythign at all. Even the most mundane topics would turn into animated discussions if you were to connect to the person.

Well there are some friendships too which become an essential part of your life for no particular reason.

Deepest bonds are formed i guess with those with whom you can connect to with your soul. I guess those are the friends who would be your "alter ego".

It gives a great amount of strength just to remind myself of all those people with whom i share such a bonding and whom i can fall back on anyday/anytime!

This reminds of how much i have regretted some company. I hate anybody who would ever drain me out. Any negative feeling i seem to catch it pretty quickly :( :(

Prolonged exposure to such feelings make me slightly shaken up.

So I'm in a conscious effort to distance myself from all the negativity.

C'mon there is just one life and let's live it up.

I am not even sure what's in store for tomorrow. If i possibly can let me share a piece of my heart and maybe a heartfelt hug or a few kind words. Please do not confuse flattery or fake appreciation by kind words.

If tomorrow i did die, i would not want to regret having hurt someone intentionally.

I feel guilt is to too heavy to carry on. So i believe in keeping things simple.

If i possibly can do good, so be it. Else i did rather shut my mouth.

One principle of life i have discovered , "What goes around, comes around". Since i would rather not be at the recipient end of any of these i dare not initiate any on my own!

Well, in all this i do not intend to say that do not defend yourself. Ofcourse one should!

Most importantly I love myself more than anyone else in this world. If anybody would make me love myself lesser, i would rather do away with that friendship/relationship.

What good is it if it can't make you appreciate yourself!

Okie, i guess too much overdoze for a day! :P

Please do let me know your views.

Well, this post was dedicated to all my best friends :)

Have a nice day tomorrow all of u!

Gnite for now:)

--Shreya

Alone or Lonely

I have always wondered what's the diff b/w the two....

Here is my take on it...

To be honest i don know what does the dictionary say and for a fact i don care :P

To digress a lil, i always feel language is meant only to convey meanings and emotions....its immaterial what is the per se meaning...as long as the intended recipients get the message loud and clear :) :)

Ok, back to alone/lonely, in both cases you lack company. The difference being whether we choose it or does it happen.

Pondering a lil deeply on the same , i feel most things in life happen 'coz we choose it. Nothing would happen to us without our consent, aint it that way?

Ok Alone = choosing to be by myself and lonely = when i am left with noone around me and it may not have been my choice.

Oflate i did find myself lonely; maybe partially it was contributed by my environment given the change that happened in my life.

Any change i have noticed, though i have accepted it whole heartedly, somehow deep within there's a part of me which is still having a strong foothold in the past.

The change requires acceptance from within and is a long and slow process. I have always been impatient with the outcomes of change and mayb thus results in me feeling a lil lost.

Many a times i find myself alone amidst the most entertaining crowds, i wonder why.

Sometimes i choose to be alone, there is a part of me which wants to speak to myself.

I call it the "alone time" and i treasure those moments. Though i m silent all the while with/without thoughts running on my mind, there is a deeper communication happening within. It just needs a quiet mind to listen.

Nevertheless alone/lonely i convert them to be by choice :)

I prefer making my choices in life coz in the end u wud feel responsible and "choose" to be happy :)

Either way, i jus cant stop loving myself ;)

Someone once said, a person who cant love himself can never love another.

I have truly internalized this line i suppose ;)

As i end the post, the song chinnama chilakkamma plays on :)

jus love the song :)

i'll enjoy my song and hit the bed!

--happy reading and as always eager 2 hear ur comments/views

shreya :)

Oh my God!! It rains again!!!

I have always wondered if i like the rain or do i dislike it. I have never been able to decide. It always depends where i am and whether i "want" to get drenched and most importantly the intensity of rain.

I know I know way too many conditions to decide if i can like rain or not!! But cant help it :)

Today as i see the whole weather so gloomy and cloudy i'm reminded of the innumerous times when i have got drenched when i used 2 return home in my last company.

How ridiculously optimistic i used to be when i used to set out all geared up with my raincoat and my poor scooty to attack the never-seeeming-to-end rain!!

I used to always assume it would stop raining. But as ever it used to stop only when my scooty would land me home :( :(

The only thing missing in my attire was a wiper to my spectacles :) :) How awesome would it look!! loool

Now, i will tell u why i like the rain and why i dont.

When i see the rain sitting indoors, i find it very amusing and interesting, emotional etc.. a gust of emotions would engulf me. I am all excited to get drenched in the rain.

Then i set out all courageously into the rain, with my scooty or without it...

Let's first take my scooty thing...
I m all so excited that i wud get drenched and it would be fun.
What starts as a drizzle all of a sudden is a thunderstorm only to end when i would get off my scooty :( :(
All through it's soooo cold i m shivering and i hate rains then!!
i can hardly grip my handlebar...forget enjoying the rain...
and i wanna listen 2 music...and i m paranoid the rain would screw up my mob/ipod :(

to top it all, i jus don understand y does all the gutter water gets attracted only 2 me when i m riding :(....every car/auto/bus name anything else manage to trouble me...even a cyclewala manages to splash water on me...x-(
and the probability of the water ending on me is highest if i m wearing a light coloured dress :(

soo finally no music, and it's brrrrrrr cold....and the dirty muddy clumsy water and the all drenched dogs...who are sooo amused 2 c me ride....gosh!!!!!!

ok now when i'm nt on my dearest scooty but i m on foot, god save me then!
i don understand how this works....but everytime i m farthest from my home, somehow the raingods are very amused.x-(
and guess what happens next...
most occassions, no umbrella...
taking shelter in sum shop....wondering which auto guy comes around...
and when its drizzling...i venture out as though on a war...asking every other auto guy if he is ready to drop by to my area...
the reactions are the most entertaining to all viewers...the auto drivers look at us like we'r from sum other planet...and the worst of all...no reaction at all....they jus turn away as though i spoke in Greek!!!
Goodness save me...
Time is running out...and no bugger seems to be ready to even understand which area i'm talking about!! :(
Then comes the saviour...prayer...pray hard...to alll possible gods...that u reach home in time...else mom will fry u alive :P
and for that to happen we need an auto...so pray hard for that...
somehow miraculously sum fellow nods his head and turns the meter upside down!! phew!!!!!!!!
muddy streets...gawking people...no autos...need a better reason to hate rains!! :(
and add sum  1 1/2 for the auto guy who demands it as it would be his birth rite by saying "male madam...yaru bartare ashtu doora" ok agreed boss!! move it!!
u wud pay him 3 1/2 instead in that moment ;)

anyway so my conclusion is...
i love rains when i m indoors and none of the above is happening :)
hate it when i m in any of the above situations :(

lemme knw ur views on rains...if u like or hate it...
keep u posted :)