I don't deserve you

I built every wall
I built every floor
I built every roof
But I don't own my home
They call it yours

I built the roads
I built the cities
I built those tall skyscrapers
Yet I have no home

You spend your lives
Running behind money
You complain of stress
You complain of worry

I live by day and night
If I don't work
I have nothing to eat
Yet I try to smile

My kids need the stars to sleep
Their toys are the little pebbles
What can I complain of
When my needs are so less

Your wants never end
Your greed never ends
But I am grateful in what I have

You work hard to build nations
Your work adds to the GDP they say
What about mine I ask
They said we are unorganized

What do you do they asked
I carry my nation on my shoulders
Yet they said we're not important

I walked and walked
Till my legs broke
Yet it couldn't kill my spirit

I wondered why didn't my nation need me now
I built their homes
I built their roads
But none to help me now?

I still say worry not brother
I shall come back to build back your cities
To keep them running
Day after day
In the end I realized
You can't help me
Who cannot help himself

We build and run this nation
Every single day
We may not add to your GDP
But there's no nation without us

They called me a migrant
But I thought it was my city

We are dying everyday
So you can stay safe
So you can have a roof
So you can have your cars

But do you remember me?
What do you do brother I ask?
Do you build nations?
Think again.


--From the eyes of a "migrant"

No thanks, no recognition is enough for you. We're sorry we let you down, like every time.

Happy Birthday Angel!!

You were a bundle of flesh

when i first saw you

You cried, I cried too

Your smiles, vanished my pains

Your unbridled joy

Can purify any soul

How can I not love you darling

I waited eagerly for your first smile

And it was precious

I sat by you all night

Just watching you smile

I never knew so much could be spoken

Without words..

The soft hum, loud laughter

every sound you made

Only made my life more joyful

The first time you tried to talk to me

I understood every word you tried to tell

Just like you always have

Ever since you entered my womb

That first time you crawled

I jumped in joy

You transformed from

A skinny toad to a beautiful little Krishna

Those tiny chubby limbs

That smile filled with love

The way you cuddle me

To say you have missed me

How can i even describe it

If love had a human form

It has to be You and only YOU

I never thought I can love anyone more

But as each day passes, I surpass that love

And love you even more

If I am away from you

I remember the way you run for me

Hug me and tell me your stories

Your love for numbers

Your brilliant building skills

Your love for cooking :)

I will cherish this first year of yours

As you turn ONE,

I cannot think of any one gift for you

For now, you of course have

Unconditional love, kisses and hugs from Mommy and Daddy!!

But more importantly

I am sure you will turn out to be

A great human,

With an awesome heart in that tall body of yours!!

Never let anything or anyone

Bog you down

Always remember

You are a MASTERPIECE!!

There will never be another "ADI"..

--Love, Amma, Appa

Ramblings of growing up

When I see that tiny fist
I wonder what treasure you hold inside
Do you hold the key to the world's happiness in there?

When you squeak in excitement
It makes me realize
How easy it is to be happy

We lose ourselves in the noise of this world
Forgetting that it just takes a smile to be happy
We forget that small things in life can bring us pure bliss

What you teach me my son each day
Makes me humble with each passing moment
Life feels like a blessing watching you
The pressure of raising a baby feels more than worth it when I see that smile of yours

That glint in your eyes
Tells me there's an ocean of things you want to tell me
That pout of yours... The squeaks..
The undivided attention you give me
That proud moment for a mother when you soothe in my arms
Nothing can compare to the ecstasy I feel being with you

You make me realize
That each day is a blessing gifted to us
Each moment spent on the worldly miseries
Is a moment lost
Treasure it while it lasts
With you growing up so fast..
It makes me feel you will be all grown up before I even realize

I just want to hold you tight my precious
May you spread more joy
And let that smile of yours never vanish
Love you loads!!

--yours mommy :)

My lovely angel!!

After holding you inside me for 9 months
Spending every minute of those months
With you my angel
I brought you to this world on an eventful day

That first touch of ours
Still makes my eyes moist
Your fragile sweet face
Remains etched in my memory

As you turn 25 days old today
Love you more each passing day
I dont realize days and nights
Spending each sleepless moment with you

I can spend endless time
Watching your pretty innocent face
Registering everything around you
With such amazement

You are the sweet little angel
Into our lives
Bringing so much happiness and peace
Never want to let you go off my arms!!

Thanks hubby dearest for gifting me my precious! :)

--Shreya

The big London Dream!

A big city..new girl..

Yeah, this is my story of being in London
Yeah!! The big London dream!
The dream which probably haunted my great grandfathers
The pre-independence dream of many Indians..many of whose got realized here..

It's been 9 months since my first ever step in this country.
As I am set to leave this country in a few days time, it's fitting for this post to be published now :)

And if I say that I have grown and changed in this country would be an understatement.

I arrived here on eve of 2012 new year.
I was a jittery, nervous girl when i first arrived.
Today i feel I am at home. The city has grown on me..

I dont know what contributed to this feeling..to this confidence in the city..
It's probably my roommates, my friends, the unknown strangers or just me myself.

When I first arrived, I hardly felt I was in a strange land.
Looks like, I saw the mould from which India was shaped. We have so many similarities.
We are 2 countries with rich culture and heritage.
Something which amazes me is, the pride they take in their history. Maybe a lesson we Indians need a lot.
They preserve every piece of their history. Every small monument.
There is so much to see here, I could never get enough of it.

There is a London beyond the Big Ben. The royal culture really does penetrate into the city.
It's so subtle you would hardly notice it.
I am so awe struck by it, maybe coz this is my first encounter with something close to royalty.
It's one of the few cultures with the monarchy still in power. That's something to respect too.
I wish we could have some of our rulers in power too! :P Amusing thought :)

When I hear the various stories of all the Indian origin-British citizens, it's sometimes heart rendering and sometimes inspiring.
The stories of their great grandfathers running away from India and landing in Africa.
Their stories of struggle and their own victory of finally living in the queen's land.

London is almost half encroached by Indians. So if you are from India, you wouldnt feel out of place :)
There are some Indian restaurants from as long as 1905!!
These are the standing proof of a long past that ties these 2 countries.

And you will find many inhabitants from Pakistan too. Probably a rare case where Indians and Pakistanis can be friends, which can happen only here.
They have very similar stories of their ancestors fleeing from Pakistan or then India (before Partition)...
In a subtle way, we are all so similar with such similar backgrounds. Maybe the same reason for our hatred? I wonder..


Though there's a certain bitterness about us being taken over by the British for more than 2 centuries.
I feel times and equations have changed in today's times.

For me, personally it's been a wonderful experience being here. I would affirmatively say I will definitely want to revisit this place again.
Though I will miss all my dear friends here. I do hope I will get another chance for another encounter with all of them.
I will leave with a heavy heart, but also with hopeful and joyous eyes for a better future and a new journey.
Loads of love to the paradise of liveliness!

--Shreya

*THE* Lion King Musical

The Lion King!!

I saw *the* Lion King Musical on a Sunday matinee of 16th Sep.
The lion roared and did it do well? You bet!
I was so awe inspired, I finally had to get out of my writer's block :)
I have never been a great fan of plays for all my life, maybe I attribute to lack of exposure.
Living in such a rich culture of England, forced me to start liking it's most innate part - theatre.
My first experience of it was Henry V of Shakespeare in the mecca of theatre.
This was my 2nd encounter of London theatre. There is something about theatre which tickles my mind.
It's so hard to explain such an experience.
The colours, costume and the acting which strike a cord somewhere deep in your heart.
It makes me wonder, how much I have missed all my life without all this.

The effortless acting and the actors are in a state where you start to wonder if you are seeing humans or the real lion king.
The majestic walk of Shaun Escoffery and the African music, just did wonders to my soul.

The music and dance and the rhythm of the entire was so superb, I just couldn't take my eyes off the stage.

When Mufasa's character died, I couldnt hold back my tears. I wonder now why.
After watching so many Bollywood movies, I shouldn't be crying over such scenes :)
But I really couldn't help myself. I had fallen in love with the characters and the play.

But the highlight of the show, which literally took my breath away was the scene where Simba sees his dad in his reflection.
The backdrop of the stage was converted into a wooden life size face of a lion.
No words can explain the effect it created.

A part of the poem He lives in you -

Night and the spirit of life calling mamela
And a voice just the fear of a child answers mamela

Ubu khosi bo khokho        [This is the throne of our ancestors]

We ndodana ye sizwe sonke    [Oh, son of the nation)]

Wait, there's no mountain too great
Hear the words and have faith
Have faith

He lives in you
He lives in me

He watches over
Everything we see
Into the water
Into the truth
In your reflection
He lives in you

[Courtesy: http://www.lionking.org/lyrics/OBCR/HeLivesInYou.html]

What Simba sees in himself, maybe we should look for ourselves.
What is your true self? Are you the one you were really destined to become? The true king?
Or are we leading a sub standard life?
Are we really taking our place in the circle of life?!?!
Wondering...

So, I sign off now with some food for thought for myself too :)
A must watch for all of you, if you get a chance.

--Shreya

Ethereal Scotland

Day 1: Friday - 6th April

5:15 am:
Woke up hurriedly and was getting ready..Our cab was due in 15 mins!
Damn it, hadnt even packed..rushed through all my stuff...took everything i could think of would be useful,ran down to the kitchen, took all our snacks. My roomie was all set and waiting for me..
She had just 1 bag and i had 3...pls dont ask me why!!

i have no idea somehow whenever i travel, i always seem to have more bags than others. And mind you this is inversely proportional to my ability to carry bags :D :D

Anyway, with help from everybody, loaded all my bags, and we started at 5:45 am,
It took us close to 45 mns -1 hr to reach London Kings Cross station.
We hurriedly paid up and me dragging all my bags, ran to the counter to collect our tickets..

6:50am:

Platform 7: We are searching which coach to board. Sigh!
We just got into one of them, and in those cramped coaches, we were searching where should we sit,
There was no seat number on our tickets, and no TT to help us.
Somehow we travelled from coach to coach in search of our destined seats. Well, we didnt find any.

7 am:

Train starts with a sligh jerk and then in full speed we head to Edinburgh. And we are still
standing in the aisle waiting for our rescue angel. :)
We waited, waited and more waiting...

7:45 am:

My roomie is giving me stern looks, what on earth are we doing here! I wanted to give the same looks to someone else. But when you organize you can curse no-one but yourself :P
Sigh!

8am:

The coach adjacent to where we were standing, a tour guide was explaining things to his people. He was heading towards us.So finally assuming he is our rescue angel, we pounce on him and ask where are our seats. He was flustered, wondering if we were part of his tour. And then after seeing our tickets, he tells us our 1st breaking news!
We have basically booked a ticket for which there are no seats... Aila!! what a revelation...and where are we supposed to sit..
he says...anywhere where it's nt reserved. And in the easter weekend..which seat would that be...well it happens to be on the floor next to the toilets... :'( :'(
So now, my roommate and me are shocked for our lives!!
After 10 mins, my roomie asks me, "Do you mind sitting down on the floor". As a proud peacock i said, "Yes i mind"..
lol
Little did i know, in 1/2 hr time, i was the first among us to sit down :D :D
we literally looked like beggars, eating bun and stretching ourselves on the floor. lol...
but in retrospect now, my roomie and me had ultimate fun coz of this :) :) if not we would
have probably just dozed off in our seats :)

10am:

We start hunting for seats as a lot of people board off the train in Newcastle.
Then finally we got a couple of decent seats and an awesome view from the train. Nature is at its best in Scotland. It's like God started painting and he just couldnt stop and kept creating wonders and wonders all around.
On one side, the lush green lawns stretched until your eye can see and on the other side, the
rock and sea culminate in a view your mind can never forget. It was just mindblowing to say the least.

We just enjoyed the view and the serenity of the place. It was interesting to see the number of sheep and cattle they bred in this region. Every land was filled with cattle and sheep.
And each looked well fed and bulging :)
Each landscape looked just out of a screensaver or a movie clip.

At 11:30 the train finally reaches Edinburgh Waverley station.
Woah! Did they say it would be cold...It was freezing! :)
Then we scramble our way through the station and through the city. A typical UK weather, it started drizzling. I was searching through my map printout which way to head for our lodge. And finally after much exploration we discovered it. Was a good 10-15 mins walk. Our first glimpse of the city, felt historic for starters. We could see the castle in a distance.

Dragging our bags in the midday mist and historic city set the tone for our trip.
We then relaxed a bit in the room, got ready and set out the world called Scotland!
The only rescue to us was the mini map of Edinburgh :)

As we started walking around, we saw the city buzzing to life...there were shops for one and all selling from silver jewelery to kilts to pubs, coffee bars et al..
As we strolled along the Royal Mile (sounds familiar to those who have read Da Vinci code??)

we saw varied people and even varied events happening around us. Looks like, Edinburgh is famous for a history of dungeons and ghosts and their mystic stories. All around us we could find people marketing their show, potraying to be the best in Edinburgh.. Interesting is the least i could say.

En route we also saw the St.Mary's cathedral, an extremely old piece of historical monument, which is considered sacred. 2 days before Easter, i would assume, it would be a pretty big deal at the church. Though we didnt venture in, coz we just wanted to get a feel of the city first.
Around 4pm, we had roamed quite enough to know where is what :)
We then headed to the National Museum of Scotland.
A wonder in itself. I have never been a big fan of museums, but this was something else. Each floor had a story to tell. A civilization unfolding in front of us.. Nature mimiced at its best. It will remain in memory as something wonderful for a long time to come.

We then had dinner at Subway which happened to be our staple food for the next 3 days to come :) And then headed back to our room for a sound and peaceful sleep. A good rest for our tired legs :)

End of day 1 :)

My love for underdogs

From time immemorial, i have always had a soft corner for the underdog. I always support the less famous when watching any sport. I always badly want them to win no matter what. It dont know why my instincts are soo strong when it comes to this. Maybe it could have a history lying with me ;)
Well you could call me an underdog too. I have never been among the favorites at school, college et al. But I always loved to prove people wrong. I wanted to be that sudden wonder. A surprise topper, surprise winner. It gave me a weird pleasure :P
I have never liked it that people have great expectations from me to deliver every time. I like to mellow down, perform low and then perform high. Especially when people least expect from you.
That's what i like about an underdog. That's why i started supporting Nadal in tennis. He was one of the few who could give Federer a run for his money. Federer is too perfect to believe. I like real men. Men who do mistakes, who try hard. Nadal always impressed me with that. Though he wasnt as perfect, he was a champion. He stood up against every other person who questioned his ability and performed soo well, people were forced to love him. i have always had a fetish for rebels :P someone who would prove the world wrong. Maybe that rebel streak was too strong in me since childhood. Poor my mom :) :)
I have always been great friends with such people even at work. I somehow innately find such people :) and find them really attractive.. :)
Salute and love all such rebels :D :D

What does real beauty mean to you??

Ever since I came to know of this contest, I kept brain-storming what is an honest answer to this..I couldn’t answer in a jiffy. But the answer seemed simpler than I thought..To start with I want to write about how the perception of beauty has changed in my mind over the years. When I was younger I always attributed beauty to the fairer complexion. Born with a dusky complexion, I always felt I missed out on something..I felt God forgot something when creating me. Like most of the girls in India, I too tried fairness creams, but without any luck. My concept on fairness creams has now changed. The industry runs only on hope, hope that someday I may become fairer. Today when I see anyone running behind fairness creams, all that I want to tell them is, get real folks!! There’s no way you are getting any fairer :-)

Anyway to get back to the point, so I always felt less endowed with beauty. Through a greater part of my teen years, I was a huge build (or so I call myself), I was tall and also well built. I wanted to be thin and with a great figure like most of my peers. I starved myself and yearned to look beautiful. Again I attributed my physique to beauty. I always felt shallow about myself being less beautiful. To cut the long sorry story short, one fine day it dawned on me, that my chances of me getting any fairer or thinner is very slim. I better start living a life. Towards my early 20s I realised this and started to dress up to please my own eyes. I told myself, it doesn’t matter if someone considers me beautiful. All that matters is what I feel about myself. Do I continue telling myself I am dusky and fat or that I take them in my stride and walk in pride? I decided the latter. I felt deeper when I thought of myself as a person who is beyond my looks. I am a person with stronger values, abilities like none other. The fact of matter was that, beyond the many things, I was one of the many unique creations. There is no other person as beautiful as me or even close to what I look like. I am bestowed with beauty which no other person has. Whether someone else likes it or not, I am proud of my looks. As this thought sunk in, I felt a change in how I felt about myself, how I dressed, how I looked. And this change started penetrating into different aspects of my life. There was no significant change in my physique, but there was a mountain of change in my mind. As time progressed, I found a lot of people admiring this Bold, beautiful and mindful person (which added to my budding confidence). But there was something deeper which was building within me. I was growing as a person and I was sculpting a better individual.

I worked hard on building my character. I wanted to be that person I am not ashamed of when I look in the mirror. This was building an innate confidence. When I saw myself in a new perspective, I felt stronger and something which is hard to describe in words. In all probabilities, my looks haven’t changed drastically over the years. But my personality has definitely changed. I feel more confident and stronger. My experiences have made me what I am. Today I see beauty in a new light. I see beauty in every little thing. A baby’s innocent smile, a puppy’s love, a mother’s hug, the first rains, the little drops of dew on a fresh leaf and also the ocean like spark of the eyes – all describe the most beautiful form of love. As they say, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder; I find beauty in its purest forms today. It’s an ethereal feeling to experience beauty. Where there’s love, one can understand beauty. Where there’s unconditional love, you see beauty even in most crooked object.

In retrospect today, I feel I wish I could tell my teenage self that you are beautiful the way you are. And the need to be famous among your peers or to have a fan following is not a necessity for a beautiful self. Well, no regrets. Today I stand with a head held high, proud of my face, my body, my achievements and experiences alike.

--Shreya

Random Ramblings! :)

Lots of people ask me why dont i wanna stay in US for a long time. A difficult question to answer. Before i answer the question, I will tell you a little more about how my ah-so-ordinary-day looks like. I wake up in the morning early or late depending on if i was talking to someone in India last night or no. The first thing that runs on my mind is..what for lunch?? Cook something quick if possible, maybe a roti or heat yesterday's rice or probably more stale.. the refrigerator isnt more useful than now..get ready quickly..have a quick breakfast at the hotel lobby..which on most days is cornflakes. strangely i dont seem to get bored of the taste:)
for a vegetarian like me there's hardly any option on most days..intially when i came to US, i used to get all irked up seeing the raw meat...now i m so used to it..it hardly affects me..
so after a breakfast, i call in for a taxi and rush to office with multiple bags struggling to help myself from falling off :) after a either an extremely sulking day or not-so-boring day i return home. The only thing i can think of is take a little rest and then need to cook. I cook for an hour or so and i need to cook in excess so that i dont have to do it everyday and save a little of my time. If so, then i would end up eating the same pulav for 3 straight days 2 times a day! phew! do i miss my mom? u bet! especially when she is such an awesome cook.
there are a few things that get straightened in the first few days of reaching US. There is a subtle difference between being alone and being independent. Mostly in US you happen to be alone. I know I am making a lot of generic statements. But all this is my own personal experience and not on behalf of anyone. You have an ecstatic day, you have no-one to share it with. You come home to a heated/air conditioned room to all yourself. You acclaim youself to see a lot of crime stories on TV coz they are the most aired on almost all channels. You learn to understand tennis/football and end up likin the game if you are lucky, but if you are like me, you will end up switching off the TV. So if not TV what do you do? You try to go for a walk. It's so desolated mostly, there's hardly anyone on the roads. More than anything initially when i came here, i felt a lot silence. Silence everywhere, at home, at office, on the streets everywhere. After a point the silence sunk into me so deep that i started craving for chatter. I wanted noise. I wanted people. I wanted laughter, some fun.
I kept saving a money every place i could. My eyes would only search for discounts everywhere. I kept thinking if i save a few dollars, i can buy a nice gift for my parents. Kept checking the exchange rates, if i could add a few bucks more to my savings.
I come back home and make a nice meal, but to eat alone. In India i hated to eat alone. I would skip lunch on many days if i had to eat alone. And here i am eatign alone everyday all 3 meals. Phew! quite a change i must admit. Nothing feels lonelier than to eat all by yourself. if you cook well, there's no one else to share it with. If you cook badly, you suck up and eat it. You dont have your mom to throw a tantrum and say i dont want to eat it.
As each day progresses, you rediscover yourself. There is so much quietness around you, that you invariably introspect. Today after spending almost 6 months in US(counting both my trips), i hardly feel lonely. I dont know why. You get used to being alone. Despite the fact that i hardly have any friends after coming from work, i dont feel i miss anyone now. yet, i dont want to stay back here.
Here is the simple reason. When i can have all my luxuries back in India, why should i stay here? For earning a few dollars more? Well what am i weighing that against? leaving behind my closest people? dearest family, friends and a happy life? Hell no! I would rather forego buying clothes for a year and save more than give up all this for nothing. I have had too much of a deal of my 'me-time'. I need people now. I need conversations. I need to speak to my close people face to face and not wait till it's dawn in India and make a call. I need to emote when i feel like and i dont want to live the weekend emotions life. I dont wanna keep thinking about picking a call from a family member for pay 10c/min. I want to be available when they want me to be. I want to do the same.
I dont mind if i will get a few gizmos a few months later in India. I can live without them. I cant live without my family.
For all the devil's advocate about traffic and corruption. Well,i am used to it now. there's no feeling like being a citizen. I dont have to show my passport ever to anyone in India. The place is as much mine as my prime minister's. I dont need to justify my stay. If you are an alien, you are an alien. Even 30 years later you are an alien. I dont want to forego ever what i love for money. Because love can never be equated to money. Call me an emotional fool, yes i admit. I am happy and content being this way and love to be in my lovable surroundings.
I am not an US-hater though.  :) I just love India and Bangalore a lot more.
I must admit God has bestowed on this country the best of nature. It just uplfts my spirit to take a walk in this country. It's simply so serene that i would let go all my stress in a minute.
As i count days and hours before i return back for good, I do leave with a heavy heart. I have made some good friends around here. Will miss you guys! But I am going back to home and there's no second place like it in this world.

Cheers!